No Directions Necessary

I found these directions on a glue stick:

- Unscrew cap and sponge top
- Remove inner plug
- Replace sponge top
- Squeeze container and apply glue slowly.

Finally, the mysteries of operating my glue stick have been solved!

Also saw this little gem online:

If you are seated in an exit aisle and are unable to read this, please ask a stewardess to reseat you.
- Cayman Airlines safety booklet

The Story of Whiskers

Around 1900, the tranquility of Hardys Tintara vineyards were frequently interrupted by the crack of a shotgun and flocks of startled Starlings heading heavenwards. Behind the large gun lurked a roguish little bloke known as Whiskers Blake. Whiskers' job was scaring birds away from the grapes. One look at Whiskers with his battered hat and wild beard was probably enough, but the gun ensured his beloved grapes were safe. The cunning Whiskers found certain aspects of his job particularly rewarding. To be certain his hard work was ensuring a quality product, he regularly 'borrowed' a bottle or two of Hardys ports for testing purposes. If you choose to "test" this fine 8 year old tawny, you will experience smooth mellow classic rancio characters and a hint of the fruit old whiskers so valiantly protected.

Write; Don't Be a Writer

I found this blog entry interesting. This is from Active Voice, a blog/Web site by a writer--ahem, I mean someone who writes. In this entry, he discusses separating who you are from what you do to keep what you do fresh and in demand--both for yourself and for your clients. He says that you can't and shouldn't write your identity. It's a job, albeit one that you should do well. Take a look:


Regular readers know that I don't call myself a wordsmith; but it might surprise you to know that I prefer not to call myself a writer either.

No, I don’t eschew the term in favor of buzzwords like “communicator” or “content provider,” either. When people ask me what I do for a living, I don’t tell them that I’m a writer.

I tell them that I write.

A pedantic distinction? Maybe — but it’s a distinction that can clear up the crippling paralysis of writer’s block once and for all.

Read the rest of this blog entry.

Movie Change

So now I'm doing my movie about a doll who wants to be a real girl. Total 180 from what I was originally going to do. I hope everyone enjoys it next week. It's a bit scary that I won't be there to defend myself!

It's also too bad I won't see everyone's phase 3s, but I'll just appreciate the phase 4s that much more. I'll be laughing by myself at everything, I'm sure.

Getting Griddy Wit It

What a dumb title for this post. Sorry. I'm tired.

I've been asking around, trying to find new ways of approaching layout and grids. Amy has said it's clear I don't "get" grids. True story. I look at the books and I see the grids but I can't seem to apply them to my designs all that well. Is there something I'm missing? Perhaps I've never made a spiritual connection with grids? Do I need to take a grid out on a date or buy it dinner to get in its pants?

Sorry, got sleepy again for a sec. Anyway if anyone has any totally awesome online resources or just general advice on how to use grids and work with layouts, something other than "This just isn't working," hit me up on here or e-mail me: mandyjulie@gmail.com.

Thanks in advance.

Newman's Own Story

Sometimes you get what you want but it ain't what you expected.

Newman's Own was supposed to be a tiny boutique operation-parchment labels on elegant wine bottles of antique glass. We expected train wrecks along the way and got, instead, one astonishment followed by another astonishment followed by another. We flourished like weeds in the garden of Wishbone, like silver in the vaults of finance. A lot of the time we thought we were in first gear we were really in reverse, but it didn't seem to make any difference. We anticipated sales of $1,200 a year and a loss, despite our gambling winnings, of $6,000. But in these twenty years we have earned over $175 million, which we've given to countless charities.How to account for this massive success? Pure luck? Transcendental meditation? Machiavellian manipulation? Aerodynamics? High colonics? We haven't the slightest idea.

Newmovakya's Own

After hearing the crazy marinara sauce and cereal stories on Newman's Own products Saturday, I couldn't help but go to the Web site to find some more.


Here's the legend for Newman's Own Vodka Sauce. This isn't so insane and is kind of funny.

LEGEND:
Jack Newmovskya was standing on the tip of a Russian steppe imbibing from a bottle of vodka when he slipped on the ice and tumbled all the way down the steppes, landing on top of Velma Kafka who was passing by with a bag of noodles and tomatoes for her dinner, thereby creating a mish-mash of Jack, Velma, vodka and tomatoes.

When they got untangled, Jack and Velma went to her place and cooked the mish-mash into a delicious pasta with vodka sauce, which is now the rage in St. Petersburg, where it is known as Newmovokya's Own (c).

When Exposure Isn't Enough

Clients can sometimes shady and stingy. They sell you the idea of working for free as, "you'll be getting your work seen by lots of people on my Web site!" This blog entry from Copywriter Underground really shows why this theory is useless to freelancers.

Exposure is fine. Exposure is good. Still — despite recent scientific advances — you can’t actually eat exposure.

In the copywriting world, the promise of "exposure" is fast replacing "there’s more work in the future" as the empty negotiating promise of choice.

When a prospect promised me more work in the future, I learned to ask two simple questions: how much work, and what kind of contract were they willing to sign right now?

Read the rest of this blog entry.

iMovie Second Thoughts

I had my storyboard all planned out, but when I started working through it I realized how hard it would be. I think I want to turn back now before I get too far into it. Taking photos of myself is not so easy (I'm a control freak I guess?). Now I know why good directors sometimes make bad movies. At some point, there's just no turning back.

Another Movie Song

No less depressing than the others.


Mr. Brightside by the Killers

Sample lyrics:

I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I'm falling asleep
And she's taking a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his chest, now
He takes off her dress, now
Letting me go...

And I just can't look, it's killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your allibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up your eager eyes
Cause I'm Mr. Brightside

iMovie iDeas

One approach to coming up with a story for the iMovie is finding a song (or a few songs) first to base it off of. So what are some songs that tell good stories? Below are just a few that I may consider.

All of these are kinda depressing; maybe I'll think of some happy ones later. The dreary weather is obviously putting a dark cloud over my thoughts, pun intended.

Who Knew? by Pink

Sample lyrics:
You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh, that's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Uh huh, that's right

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew?

Just Can't Get It Right Today by Joe Purdy

Sample lyrics:
It's nearly been a year since he's been gone
And we still sing his goodbye songs
Goodness knows she should move on
But she just can't let him go
No, she just can't let him go

I'm sorry if I made you want to cry
I'm sorry if I made you want to cry
You should know, I never meant to hide
I just hate bringing you down
Oh, I just hate bringing you down

I just can't seem to get it right today
I just can't seem to get it right today
I just can't seem to get it right today
I guess I'm gonna give up
Oh, I guess I'm gonna give up

How to Save a Life by the Fray

Sample lyrics:

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life


May add some happy selections later, when the sun comes out.

Isn't it funny how I'm happily engaged and yet my recent projects have included a campaign against Bridezillas and a classification of bad breakups? And now, a list of songs that are depressing with two about breaking up?

I guess this is why singers say they make songs about breaking up even if they are happy. They are just more interesting than happy songs.

I Wanna Work at Google

Introducing Google's newest feature for gmail:

How do I use it?
Just click "Set custom time" from the Compose view. Any email you send to the past appears in the proper chronological order in your recipient's inbox. You can opt for it to show up read or unread by selecting the appropriate option.
Is there a limit to how far back I can send email?
Yes. You'll only be able to send email back until April 1, 2004, the day we launched Gmail. If we were to let you send an email from Gmail before Gmail existed, well, that would be like hanging out with your parents before you were born -- crazy talk.
How does it work?
Gmail utilizes an e-flux capacitor to resolve issues of causality (see Grandfather Paradox).

Find out more:
http://mail.google.com/mail/help/customtime/index.html