No Directions Necessary

I found these directions on a glue stick:

- Unscrew cap and sponge top
- Remove inner plug
- Replace sponge top
- Squeeze container and apply glue slowly.

Finally, the mysteries of operating my glue stick have been solved!

Also saw this little gem online:

If you are seated in an exit aisle and are unable to read this, please ask a stewardess to reseat you.
- Cayman Airlines safety booklet

The Story of Whiskers

Around 1900, the tranquility of Hardys Tintara vineyards were frequently interrupted by the crack of a shotgun and flocks of startled Starlings heading heavenwards. Behind the large gun lurked a roguish little bloke known as Whiskers Blake. Whiskers' job was scaring birds away from the grapes. One look at Whiskers with his battered hat and wild beard was probably enough, but the gun ensured his beloved grapes were safe. The cunning Whiskers found certain aspects of his job particularly rewarding. To be certain his hard work was ensuring a quality product, he regularly 'borrowed' a bottle or two of Hardys ports for testing purposes. If you choose to "test" this fine 8 year old tawny, you will experience smooth mellow classic rancio characters and a hint of the fruit old whiskers so valiantly protected.

Write; Don't Be a Writer

I found this blog entry interesting. This is from Active Voice, a blog/Web site by a writer--ahem, I mean someone who writes. In this entry, he discusses separating who you are from what you do to keep what you do fresh and in demand--both for yourself and for your clients. He says that you can't and shouldn't write your identity. It's a job, albeit one that you should do well. Take a look:


Regular readers know that I don't call myself a wordsmith; but it might surprise you to know that I prefer not to call myself a writer either.

No, I don’t eschew the term in favor of buzzwords like “communicator” or “content provider,” either. When people ask me what I do for a living, I don’t tell them that I’m a writer.

I tell them that I write.

A pedantic distinction? Maybe — but it’s a distinction that can clear up the crippling paralysis of writer’s block once and for all.

Read the rest of this blog entry.

Movie Change

So now I'm doing my movie about a doll who wants to be a real girl. Total 180 from what I was originally going to do. I hope everyone enjoys it next week. It's a bit scary that I won't be there to defend myself!

It's also too bad I won't see everyone's phase 3s, but I'll just appreciate the phase 4s that much more. I'll be laughing by myself at everything, I'm sure.

Getting Griddy Wit It

What a dumb title for this post. Sorry. I'm tired.

I've been asking around, trying to find new ways of approaching layout and grids. Amy has said it's clear I don't "get" grids. True story. I look at the books and I see the grids but I can't seem to apply them to my designs all that well. Is there something I'm missing? Perhaps I've never made a spiritual connection with grids? Do I need to take a grid out on a date or buy it dinner to get in its pants?

Sorry, got sleepy again for a sec. Anyway if anyone has any totally awesome online resources or just general advice on how to use grids and work with layouts, something other than "This just isn't working," hit me up on here or e-mail me: mandyjulie@gmail.com.

Thanks in advance.

Newman's Own Story

Sometimes you get what you want but it ain't what you expected.

Newman's Own was supposed to be a tiny boutique operation-parchment labels on elegant wine bottles of antique glass. We expected train wrecks along the way and got, instead, one astonishment followed by another astonishment followed by another. We flourished like weeds in the garden of Wishbone, like silver in the vaults of finance. A lot of the time we thought we were in first gear we were really in reverse, but it didn't seem to make any difference. We anticipated sales of $1,200 a year and a loss, despite our gambling winnings, of $6,000. But in these twenty years we have earned over $175 million, which we've given to countless charities.How to account for this massive success? Pure luck? Transcendental meditation? Machiavellian manipulation? Aerodynamics? High colonics? We haven't the slightest idea.

Newmovakya's Own

After hearing the crazy marinara sauce and cereal stories on Newman's Own products Saturday, I couldn't help but go to the Web site to find some more.


Here's the legend for Newman's Own Vodka Sauce. This isn't so insane and is kind of funny.

LEGEND:
Jack Newmovskya was standing on the tip of a Russian steppe imbibing from a bottle of vodka when he slipped on the ice and tumbled all the way down the steppes, landing on top of Velma Kafka who was passing by with a bag of noodles and tomatoes for her dinner, thereby creating a mish-mash of Jack, Velma, vodka and tomatoes.

When they got untangled, Jack and Velma went to her place and cooked the mish-mash into a delicious pasta with vodka sauce, which is now the rage in St. Petersburg, where it is known as Newmovokya's Own (c).